


White Deer, Raven Black

by 27noir



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fae, Fae & Fairies, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Non-binary character, Other, e/em/eir pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24871180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27noir/pseuds/27noir
Summary: Benn whirled around, bow sting pulled taught and heart pounding at the thought that he’d been caught unawares, and he stumbled back on his usually graceful feet.There was someone sitting casually on a downed tree a stone’s throw away. How Benn could have missed em, he had no idea. E smiled leisurely, chin propped in the palm of eir hand.“I don’t see many of your kind this far in,” the fae said—and e was fae, Benn would have been blind to not have known. E regarded him. “Most of you stick a little closer to the edge of the forest. It’s safer that way.”
Relationships: Nix/Benn
Kudos: 6





	White Deer, Raven Black

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually an AU for another original work of mine, and was written out of spite after reading a YA fae series that made me angry. Spite is a good motivator. (Not that I really need a reason to write another AU...)
> 
> This is my first time using e/em/eir (spivak) pronouns so I hope I got the usage right. Please forgive me and B, my beta reader, our errors. (Also, it was a fight to format this thing so I'm sorry if there's something amiss.)
> 
> The header art was drawn by me. Please also check out [ this lovely piece ](https://twitter.com/hunkyrhino/status/1245816001616207872)by my friend on twitter!

The deer was quick, light on its feet, but Benn followed just as quick and just as quiet. Silence echoed around them, so deep in the wood. He wouldn’t normally tread this far in, knowing who ruled in the deepest parts—knowing where the paths would lead—but oh, _a white deer_. Benn had not seen one in many, many years. 

He tracked it intently, waiting for the right moment. It would be a prize, its hide, to say nothing of how long its meat would last with the coming winter. It stilled, head raised and alert, and Benn drew his bow, making no sound throughout. Any moment now, he thought.

But the deer was startled and scampered off into the brush. Benn swore under his breath and took a step to follow it when he heard someone give a huff of a laugh. 

Benn whirled around, bow sting pulled taught and heart pounding at the thought that he’d been caught unawares, and he stumbled back on his usually graceful feet.

There was someone sitting casually on a downed tree a stone’s throw away. How Benn could have missed em, he had no idea. E smiled leisurely, chin propped in the palm of eir hand. 

“I don’t see many of your kind this far in,” the fae said—and e was fae, Benn would have been blind to not have known. E regarded him. “Most of you stick a little closer to the edge of the forest. It’s safer that way.”

Benn just stared, wondering if he was about the meet his end. 

“I’m sorry I scared off your prey but I do find it a shame to kill such a sacred thing—and I fear the bad luck that would have befallen to you had you killed it.” E cocked eir head to the side. “But I see I’ve robbed you of your prize. No matter, I’m sure I can find some way to compensate you.”

E smiled at Benn but there was nothing predatory about it. 

Benn lowered his bow slowly. “I’d settle for safe passage home.” He could find his way out, but he was deep in the forest, and did not wish to be turned or tricked for some amusement on his way.

The fae’s face softened. “Safe passage, then.” E regarded Benn a moment longer then hopped off eir perch and nodded a head. “Let me see you home.” 

E turned and Benn followed. 

The fae were the tales you told children to keep them obedient—an effective deterrent because they were a horror story that was real. They were beautiful and they were merciless. They took what they wanted, a people of tricks and illusions, and they were not to be trusted. If someone went missing in the forest, it was always the fae and it was always forever.

So Benn didn’t quite understand why he trusted this one to see him out of the forest. Though maybe that was the trick itself—that that trust was an illusion. But Benn recognized the forest and before long the fae stopped, dappled light through the trees being soaked up by eir ink black hair and dark clothes, and turned to Benn. 

“This is where I leave you. I trust you can find the rest of the way on your own.”

Indeed, Benn knew exactly where they were. They had come to a patch of forest close to Benn’s home. 

Benn nodded, and the fae’s smile grew. 

“Then I shall take my leave,” e said.

Benn turned to go, then hesitated. When he turned back the fae stood still, watching him.

“Would it really have been bad luck,” he asked quietly. “To have killed the white deer?”

The smile slipped from eir face, but eir words were stated lightly. 

“Frightfully so. She has an affinity for white things, and her wrath is mighty.” E smiled again, but this one didn’t reach eir eyes. “She would probably take quite a liking to you, too.” E gestured, as if to swipe Benn’s snow white hair from his face. “So best stay out of the deep woods.”

Benn frowned, and opened his mouth to question em further, but e was gone with a glimmer of shadow and a rustle of wings.

***

Benn was once again deep in the woods when he heard a familiar huff and voice say, “I do hope most mortals are not quite as foolish as you seem.”

He turned and there e was. E was smiling at him, but it was tight and sharp and Benn was unwillingly disappointed. 

Eir voice was soft, however. “You should not be here.”

E was right, of course, Benn should not have risked coming this far in again, especially after last time. One does not come back from encounters with the fae. He had been lucky, making it out of the forest alive, and he should not have pressed that luck further. 

But the forest had drawn him in, and so had the thought of meeting the fae once more. And maybe that was the fae’s magic, to have tricked him back here. 

Benn suspected that it was his own damn foolishness, though. 

The fae sighed, but dropped down from where e sat easily in a nearby tree and approached him. The smile e gave him this time was less strained.

“Do you need me to see you home again?” e asked. “Or is there another reason you’ve decided not to head my warnings?”

Unwilling to admit that he had come just to maybe talk to em, Benn said, “It seems I could use some guidance home, yes.”

The fae gave him a considering smile, like e knew it was terrible lie, but all e said was, “Alright.”

As they walked, Benn tried to think of something to say but ended up only ruminating further on why he was there and what a fool he was. What was he hopping to accomplish with this, he wondered. What good would come of trying to make friends with one of the fae?

They found themselves back at the edge of the forest far quicker than Benn had hoped for and not a word had passed between them on the way. 

“Do you have a name?”

Benn blinked, startled by the question. 

“Bennjamin,” he said, without thinking. “Benn.” 

The fae smiled.

“A good name. Maybe we will meet again, Bennjamin.” 

And e inclined eir head, and simply faded into the shadows, raven black to raven black, leaving Benn alone at the edge of the forest once more. 

***

A third time Benn went deep into the wood. A third time e found him.

“Back again, I see.”

E was sitting on a nearby rock and smiling easy.

“Do you usually get lost this often?”

“I— I was never lost,” Benn admitted. 

The fae huffed.

“I thought not. I thought maybe you know these woods better than most.” E hopped off the rock and approached him. “So, if you’re not lost, what brings you out this far again after all my warnings?”

“I—“

But before he could say anything more the fae’s head snapped up, eir eyes searching the woods furiously.

“Quiet,” e said in firm tones. E motioned for Benn to come closer which Benn did with some hesitation. E was still scanning the trees and when he stepped close enough e took hold of his wrist and held it. 

“Stay still and don’t say a word,” e whispered only a moment before Benn spotted the hunting party. 

They were all fae, beautiful and cold like stone. Most of their features were white or grey, as where their clothes. Benn watched as they approached, trying not to even breathe. They didn’t seem particularly happy to see the dark hair fae. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” one of the party hissed at em.

“I’m within my bounds,” e said easily, but eir grip on Benn’s wrist tightened slightly though the group made no comment on Benn’s presence. 

“Too close,” the other fae said, his lip curling up. 

“I’m within my bounds,” e repeated. 

“She won’t be happy.”

“When is she ever?” 

The first one snarled, but Benn saw a few of the others giving troubled looks. 

“Shut your mouth or I will shut it for you.”

There was something in how the dark haired fae grinned that sent a chill down Benn’s spine. This was the predatory smile Benn had expected the first time they had met—this is what Benn had expected from em since the beginning. And now e gave it to eir own kind. 

“You think you can best me?” e said, eir challenge sharp as broken glass.

The opposing fae grimaced. 

“Come,” he said to the group. “Let’s move on.” He gave no second glance, only turned his horse and spurred it forward. The rest followed, though a few looked back as they moved through the trees. 

The fae’s grasp remained on Benn’s wrist until the group was out of sight. Then e sighed and it wasn’t so much a breath as a visible loosening of eir stance. E closed eir eyes for a moment, then let go of Benn’s wrist. 

“Do not come this far again,” e said. E sounded more weary than angry. “Whatever it is that brings you here, do not come again. I cannot always keep you safe.”

Benn nodded reluctantly. 

“Let me get you home,” e said.

Benn followed em through the trees. He hesitated, but asked anyway when the silence grew too much. “What was that about back there?”

“You mean, other than the possibility of your death?” E hummed. “Nothing you should worry yourself about.”

“They don’t seem to like you.”

The fae laughed. “No, they don’t like me much at all.”

“How come?”

E huffed. “Again, nothing you should worry yourself about.”

Benn fell silent. 

“You hid me from them,” he said quietly. “Thank you.”

The fae gave him an odd look, but simply nodded. 

When they came to the edge of the wood, Benn hesitated. _Am I going to see you again?_ he wanted to ask, but held his tongue.

“Goodbye, Bennjamin,” the fae said. “Promise me you’ll stay out of the deep woods.”

Benn nodded. 

This time e did not just disappear. E gave a short bow and walked back into the trees, hair glinting like raven’s wings in the dappled light. Benn watched em until e was out of sight. 

***

It was a measly haul that Benn brought back to the village. He was frustrated but mostly despairing about the state of things. Winter was nipping at the heals of autumn and when it came blustering in there wasn’t going to be enough meat. The woods were becoming more and more treacherous as the fae roamed closer to the edge of the forest than they’d ever come before. None of them seemed even remotely as easy going as the dark haired one Benn had come across. With their light hair and white clothes even at a distance they seemed as cold as ever. He had stayed away from the deep of the wood like he said he would but it didn’t seem to matter. The fae were everywhere. And they were hunting all his game. 

Benn surveyed the town center, still bustling in the rush before the evening meal. He wondered who best to sell the meat to. He had his usual buyers but he also wanted to make sure some of the poorer families got something before winter settled in. 

He was just about to make his way across the market space when he heard a familiar voice say his name and felt a light touch on his shoulder.

He whirled around defensively, more because e had surprised him than any sense of threat.

The fae stood behind him, a smile on eir lips. 

“Hello,” e said. 

Benn’s eyes went wide.

“What are you _doing here?_ ” he asked in a hiss. He dragged em back into the shadows, furtively looking around to see if anyone had seen em. He hadn’t meant to touch em, but it would be nothing but trouble if e was spotted. 

“If anyone were to see you—“

“I came to talk.”

Benn stared at em, for a moment lost in eir dark eyes. 

He nodded sharply. “Fine, but follow me. We can talk at my place.”

Benn took the back roads out of town and was grateful that they passed no one on their way. 

His home was a simple one room cottage. It was clean and comfortable and just the right size for him. But it seemed ill used with the fae in it. E seemed to take up more space than he expected, and his home felt suddenly small, inadequate, and very plain. The fae gave no sign that e noticed. 

“You’ve been having trouble,” e started without preamble. “In the forest. People going missing.”

Benn nodded. You always lost the odd townsperson this close to the forest, but not usually so many in a season. 

“How close have they come to the village?” E asked, the distance obvious in eir voice—as if the fae were not eir own kind anymore. 

“Too close.”

The fae frowned.

“They’re hunting all the game, too,” Benn said helpfully, his spite overcoming him. “It’s going to be a tough winter at this rate.”

The fae considered this. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Benn watched em. “Do you have some sway over them?”

The fae smiled and it was not a good smile. It was grim and predatory once more. “I know a few things.” Then e went quiet.

“Your kind hate us, don’t they?”

It didn’t seem to be much of a question, so quietly stated, but Benn nodded. 

“We’ve lost much over the years because you rule the woods,” Benn said. “Especially of late.”

“Not me, but I see your point.” E sighed. “I’ll see what I can do. Take care, Bennjamin.”

And then e was gone in a rustle of wings. 

Benn blinked at where e had been. Then he sighed and started taking care of the game still in his hands. 

***

Benn’s door was slightly ajar when he returned home and he hesitated. The small drops of blood on the ground, the smudge on the door, the dragging footprints through the doorway—all signs telling him to approach with caution. He pushed gingerly on the door, heart beating unwillingly loud and a knife in hand, and stepped inside. Darkness had begun to settle, an ominous curtain, but there was still enough light to see who sat slumped at his small table. 

He put away the knife and went to crouch by the still figure. There was a lot of blood. Benn wondered how much of it belonged to the fae. 

E stirred, blinked at him, and let out a heavy sigh. 

“Sorry,” e said so softly. “I needed a place to lay low.”

Benn frowned. “It’s fine. Though you look less than fine. You should let me have a look at them.” He nodded at the various wounds scattered across the fae’s person. 

E huffed however. 

“I’ll be okay. I can heal myself, I just have less power than I used to. Sleep will help.” And e closed eir eyes as if to do just that.

“Come on,” Benn said, a hand gently tugging on eir arm. “If you need sleep, you’re not going to get much of it sitting there.”

The fae opened eir eyes and frowned. 

Benn nodded his chin towards the bed behind him. “Take it,” he said and before e could complain, tugged on eir arm again to help em up. 

E made a noise to contest him, but stood all the same, teetering and leaning against Benn for support. 

“Just tonight,” e managed as Benn helped em down. “I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“As long as you need,” Benn said. “Just don’t die on me, alright?”

That earned him a smile. 

“I promise. No dying.”

“Sleep,” Benn said. 

E slept. 

***

Indeed, e slept for two days. Benn felt unwilling to leave em alone and spent the two days watching em with growing unease. His arrows were well restock now at least, and all his blades clean and sharp. 

He was asleep with his feet propped up on the other chair and a fur tossed over himself when the fae woke. Eir movement roused him and when he opened his eyes he found em half dressed beside the bed, tunic in hand. Though the blood remained, dried and cracking, eir wounds had obviously healed, skin smooth and otherwise unblemished.

“See,” e said softly. “Good as new.”

Benn, who had little else to compare it to believed em wholeheartedly. 

The fae smiled, but did not comment on Benn’s lingering gaze. Instead, e said, “My apologies Bennjamin, and my thanks, for having commandeered your bed for so long.”

“Feeling better?” Benn asked, and grunted a little when he moved his stiff limbs. 

“Very much so. Though I fear my garments did not fair as well.”

Eir clothes were indeed a bloody mess, torn and stained. Benn regretted having let em sleep in them, suddenly.

“Let me see if I can find you something,” he said and went to rummage through his chests. 

He busied himself with making tea while the fae changed clothes, which turned out to be ill-fitted on the eir leaner frame. Still, e wore them with a grace Benn doubted he could have ever pulled off. He inspected eir damaged attire while the tea steeped. Mending it would be one thing, getting the blood stains out would be something else entirely. 

“Leave them, Bennjamin,” e said, when the tea was ready. “It will keep.”

They settled on either side of the small table, Benn gratefully wrapping his hand around his tea. The fae followed suite, holding eir cup close to eir face.

“I’m sorry,” Benn said suddenly. “You must be used to far grander.”

The fae smiled, eyes closed. “I haven’t had anything _grand_ in some time, I assure you. This is just what I needed, thank you.”

Benn considered em.

“I don’t know your name.”

The fae opened eir eyes in surprise. 

“All this time and I have not told you my name? My apologies.” E smiled. “My name is Nix.”

Benn frowned. 

“Somehow I thought that would be followed by a title of some importance.”

Nix laughed. “I had a title once. Before it was stripped from me I was the High Lord of the Night Court.”

Benn stared. _High Lord?_ Benn had assumed a high fae, yes, but _High Lord_ of the _Night Court_. 

Nix hummed, as if e knew the question Benn was about to ask, and considered eir tea. “I fell out of favor with the current High Lord. I let her gain too much power and she overthrew me, cursed me, and then banished me.” 

“You’re _banished?_ ” Benn asked incredulously. “But I always saw you deep in the forest—“

“Just outside the borders. It’s as close as I can get without getting into some trouble.”

“Is that what happened? Trouble?”

Nix raised eir eyebrows in confusion.

“I mean, is that why you were slumped at my table, covered in blood? You tried to go back?”

Nix sighed, sitting back in eir chair. “Not to go back, no. But I did try to rattle her a bit.” Eir eyes grew dark. “She’s not supposed to come this close to the village.”

Benn’s frowned. The villagers knew well enough that their troubles had been the result of faerie activity, so this was no surprise. But he still believed, despite this odd friendship now forming with the fae sitting across from him, that this was just what faeries _did_. That she might be bound to any law or reason not to was news to Benn.

Nix ran a hand through eir loose fringe. “Sparrow’s a tyrant and I should never have let her gain so much power. But I did, and here we are.” E huffed. “Here we are, banished and powerless, while she takes what she wants.”

“Is there no way to stop her?”

“I’m considering my options but none of the them are particularly appealing.”

Benn yawned suddenly. 

“You should get some proper sleep. I deprived you of your own bed for long enough.”

Benn shook his head, only to yawn again despite himself. 

“Sleep, Bennjamin. I will be here yet when you wake—if that’s alright with you.”

Benn met eir eyes. “Stay as long as you need.”

Nix smiled. “Thank you. Now sleep my friend.”

Benn did as he was told. 

***

Nix was still there when Benn woke. E was asleep in the chair but stirred when Benn sat up. E smiled, ruffling the hair from eir face and stretched. 

Benn made a quick breakfast but apologized. 

“I need to go out today,” he said. He hadn’t caught anything in a week. “Make yourself at home, though.”

Nix nodded. “Thank you. I hope you have a good hunt.”

Somehow Benn doubted he would. And at the end of the day he hated that he was right, returning empty handed once more. Things could not go on like this.

Nix was in a chair by the fire when he returned, seemingly deep in thought. E did not look up when Benn entered, but was not startled when he said eir name.

“How’d it go?” e asked.

Benn only shook his head. Nix frowned. 

They fixed dinner together, such as it was. Benn pulled out some spirits, feeling the day warranted something stronger than tea and they sat at his table to eat and drink in comfortable silence.

“What’s it like?” he asked when they had both cleaned their plates. “The faerie realm?” 

There was something sad in Nix’s smile. “It was beautiful.”

Was it eir banishment or some other factor that put such longing in eir voice, Benn wondered.

Nix hummed. “How to explain. Everything there is _more_. Sharper, clearer. More beautiful. But more dangerous too. The faerie realm lives on magic—it _is_ magic. Your mundane world…”

“We must seem so plain to you.”

But Nix shook eir head. “There is magic in your realm too. I just wonder that maybe it’s harder for you to see.” E paused. “There is something beautiful in your simplicity. There’s something beautiful in death.”

Benn frowned and the smile fell from Nix’s face. 

“You have a spark of life that we don’t see much,” e explained softly. Benn thought of the others he had seen in forest, cold and stiff. Beautiful corpses. “Or at least not anymore.”

E paused and Benn watched em. There was color on eir cheeks from the drink and there seemed the spark of life in em. If it weren’t for eir unearthly beauty, it might be hard to associate Nix with eir own kind for all that Benn had seen of them. 

“Was it the new High Lord?” Benn asked. “Who changed things?”

Nix’s eyes went as cold as steel. 

“She…” But e trailed off. “Sparrow betrayed me. And as a result, I betrayed my people. There was a war, and I lost. Now she rules and there is no joy. But it was I who let her in, who let her gain such power. It was my own hubris.”

_And all of this is my fault._

E didn’t say it, but Benn heard it nonetheless.

“I got complacent,” e said. “I’ve spent my banishment up till now whiling it away. I couldn’t beat her so who cares if I did nothing.” E shook eir head. “I’ve been a fool. I should have tried, I should have—“

But e stopped and apologized. 

“You shouldn’t have to listen to this.” 

“It’s okay,” Benn said. He hesitated before asking, “Is there nothing to be done about her?”

Nix’s face went dark. “I don’t know. I don’t know that I could win, facing her as I am. And the cost of getting back my powers is too much, to say nothing of impossible.” 

E went quiet. 

“If I can help…” Benn said, and e looked up at him. 

“Thank you, Bennjamin. But it’s safer if you didn’t get involved. I could only imagine what she’d do to you. Stay here, and if you’ll allow, let me stay with you awhile. It may not seem like much, but it would mean a great deal to me.”

Benn nodded. “Of course.”

E smiled. “It is good to have company again.”

Benn rather felt the same, solitary creature that he was. 

“What do you like most about this place?”

Benn blinked at em. 

“Why do you stay here? There are bigger towns, better and more prosperous—less dangerous.”

Benn stared out the window to the edge of the woods. 

“The woods,” he said. “I like being with the trees. It’s why I built this place so close to it.” 

Nix cocked eir head to the side. “You built this house?”

“Yes,” Benn said, surprised. “The furniture too.”

Nix smiled. “A man of many talents.” 

Benn shrugged. “I learned carpentry from my father. My mother taught me to hunt. I felt I should keep the traditions going in their absence.”

“Do you have any other family?”

“A sister, but she’s been in the capital since she was old enough to venture forth on her own. I haven’t seen her in years. We weren’t close.” He shrugged when Nix looked at him curiously. “We wanted different things out of life.”

“Have you ever been to the capital?”

“Once. For her wedding. Her wife is some influential person in the court so of course they couldn’t have it here. There were more guests at the wedding than there are people in the village.” Benn huffed. “Our parents had passed by that point, and she wanted me to be there, so I went.”

Benn laughed at the memory. “The city was too big for me. Too much brick and stone and not enough green. Nora let me escape as soon as the wedding was done, didn’t even comment on why, just hugged me and sent me on my way. I saw she’d found her home there, and I’m glad she did, but I think she knew mine would always be here.”

Nix was giving him a peculiar smile. 

“What is it?” Benn asked.

“I’m just trying to picture you in anything but fur and hunting leather. I’m assuming you didn’t wear that to the wedding.” 

Benn snorted. “I would have if I could. No, Nora got me set up with something fashionable in the city at the time. I’m sure I looked just as uncomfortable in it as I felt.”

Nix grinned. 

They continued the easy conversation well into the night. Somewhere around the third or fourth round of drinks Benn wondered when the last time he had done this, talked with someone for hours. When was the last time he had talked to anyone outside of hunting and trading even? He had a tendency to retreat to home as soon as his business was done. 

When they finally turned down the lights and reluctantly went to sleep, Benn lay awake for a while, trying to name the feeling in his chest. He rolled over to look at Nix, who had insisted e sleep in the chair again, and frowned. E had fallen asleep already, slack in the chair, but eir eyebrows were creased with worry. Benn wanted to touch em, smooth out that distress. Instead, he rolled back over and went to sleep. 

***

It had been a stupid mistake, the shooting pain in his leg every time he stepped and a tremor in his hand to remind him. A damn fool mistake. He only hoped he could keep it to himself. 

Nix smiled brightly when he came through the door, even empty handed as he was.

“Welcome back,” e said, and set to making him a cup of tea. Benn sank into a chair, trying not to grimace. 

“Thank you,” he said when Nix put a cup front of him. It smell wonderful and he hoped it would help with the sudden lightheadedness. 

“Any luck today?” Nix asked. There was reservation in eir voice, to which Benn closed his eyes and shook his head. _A damn fool mistake_ , he thought again. He’d lost his catch too. 

“Tomorrow will be better,” Nix said softly.

Benn sighed and opened his eyes. “Doubtful. And with winter coming on…”

Nix only nodded, and silence fell as they drank their tea. 

E was quite imposing when e was angry, Benn thought, as the silence only grew and something of a storm seemed to being forming behind Nix’s eyes. Eir grip on eir tea had gone impossibly tight and e was avoiding his gaze. 

At last e sighed aggressively, pushing back eir fringe with a frustrated gesture. But eir expression softened when e looked back at Benn.

“Were you going to tell me about your leg?” e asked.

Benn winced. 

“You were a little obvious,” e said before he could ask. “Come, let me see.”

Benn hesitated, then shifted in his chair. He swore, pain shooting through him and vision getting foggy. He was very dizzy suddenly. 

Nix grimaced as e knelt in front of him, hands coming to hover as Benn pulled back his tunic. The bleeding had stopped—the cut itself had really not been all that bad—but Benn knew something was wrong.

E frowned at the sight of it, delicately touching around the wound with dexterous fingers. 

“I need to get a better look.”

Benn met eir eyes. Then he gritted his teeth. 

“You might need to help me with that,” he admitted. “I’m not sure I can stand.”

Nix did help him, with an arm under his shoulder to get him up and out of his pants, then to sit on the bed. Eir touch was firm but kind as e turned eir attention back at Benn’s leg. 

It was not pretty sight. A bruise had spread across his thigh—an ugly yellow-purple—and down below his knee. It covered half his leg and at the sight of it, Benn began to panic a little. 

Eir hands were gentle on his skin and warm, flitting across the affected area, eir voice soft as e spoke, and Benn inhaled sharply at the magic. E spent several minutes bent over Benn’s leg while the magic spread and Benn tried to remember how to breath. 

At last Nix sat back, blinking a little owlishly. E looked up at him. “Better?”

Benn exhaled slow. 

The bruise was already fading. The wound itself had closed up, leaving behind a pink mark. The pain was gone too, or near enough, and the world had stopped spinning. He nodded.

“There might yet be a scar,” Nix said softly. “It was a poisoned blade.”

“Thank you,” Benn said, finding his voice. 

“Do I want to ask what led to this, or shall I just fix your wrist as well?” There was a small smile on Nix’s lips.

Benn huffed—an admission—then offered em his injured arm and an explanation with it. 

“I went hunting on the Ackermans’ land.”

Nix’s hands froze and e looked up at him sharply. The Ackermans were the town’s wealthiest family and it was well known they served harsh punishment for those caught even stepping on their property, let alone hunting. Benn wasn’t surprised that Nix seemed to be aware of their reputation. 

“They aren’t known for their diplomacy when catching trespassers,” e said slowly, as if to confirm this.

“I know,” Benn said. He had known this before he had gone. 

Nix said nothing, Benn’s arm held loosely in eir hands. Eir eyes searched his. 

“Are things that desperate?” 

Benn nodded. 

“It’s not just me I’m hunting for. Half the village depends on what I bring in. They trade me for it, yes, but there are only a few of us bringing in meat now. The forest is too dangerous—most of the other hunters have left for easier game. If something doesn’t change soon…”

Nix’s eyes grew dark and e looked away. Then e sighed and turned back to eir prior work. Benn watched as e ran eir hands over Benn’s wrist, felt the warmth of eir skin and suppressed a shiver, even as the pain ebbed away. E kept touching Benn’s arm, as if lost in thought, though eir work was done. When Benn lightly grasped eir wrist in his hand, e startled.

Benn said eir name softly and squeezed eir wrist lightly. 

Nix smiled, soft and sad. 

“It’s alright,” e said. “I’m alright.”

“It’s okay if you’re not.”

Eir eyebrows raised in surprise. Then e huffed and put a hand to Benn’s cheek. “Thank you, Bennjamin. But I really am alright.”

Benn hesitated, then pulled em closer, a soft tug on the arm he still clasped. Nix followed, tucking some of Benn’s hair behind his ear. Eir gaze was fond as Benn reached out to brush eir jaw with his thumb.

“It’s not your fault,” he said, and Nix huffed a laugh in response.

“I’m not so sure about that, but I appreciate the sentiment.” 

Benn let his forehead drop to Nix’s with a sigh. Nix inched closer, nudging eir nose into Benn’s temple.

“Benn…” e said. It was an almost question and the first time he heard em so unsure. Benn pulled back just slightly, nose to nose, then smiled at em softly. 

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”

He kissed em—a quiet thing, a brush of skin, nervous as he was—and was more than a little surprised when e kissed him back, hands sliding into his hair. Benn made a soft noise, pressing closer, hands finding their way around Nix’s waist. 

Taking some initiative Benn moved back on the bed, tugging Nix to follow. Nix did so with a hum against his lips, barely breaking the continuity of eir touch as e propped emself around him. 

E pulled away, a simple pause, and when Benn reached up to brush the hair from eir face and e leaned in to kiss his palm. Benn pulled em in again.

They moved with a little more purpose then. Benn helped em out of eir clothes. Nix was still wearing Benn’s borrowed attire, and as well as e wore it, ill fitted as it was, Benn like em better out of it. Nix was lithe and solid beneath Benn’s hands, skin smooth and unblemished. E didn’t have a single scar, Benn realized, suddenly aware of all the nicks and marks of his own from so many years of hunting—so many years being around sharp objects, be it knives, claws or teeth. Nix must have caught him staring. 

“What it is it?” e asked, smiling easy. 

“You have no scars,” Benn said, touching eir chest. “I feel a bit of an eyesore now.”

Nix blinked at him. Then e kissed the scar on Benn’s shoulder, the one on his collar bone, took his hand and kissed the million little lines and scars that scattered them. 

“You are very much not an eyesore,” e whispered. “And not all scars are visible.”

E said it soft, sad, even though e was still smiling and Benn pressed his hand to eir heart, his own stuttering for the sadness he felt for em. 

“It’s okay,” e said. “It’s okay.”

Benn gathered em in, kissed em softly. “Stay as long as you need,” he said, thinking of their conversation the night before. “Whatever you need…”

Nix pressed eir forehead to his, nose to nose.

“If you’ll have me,” e said. 

Benn kissed em, not as soft as before. E made a noise against his lips and he hoped e got what he was trying to convey. _Stay_ , he thought, tangling his hands in eir loosening hair. _If it make anything at all better_ , stay. 

For all their differences, for all that the world meant to keep them apart, here they both were, being rather more affectionate than Benn had been with anyone for quite some time. He wondered what their respective people’s would think of it. Even if they were both outliers of their own kind, Benn wasn’t sure it would go well for either of them if this relationship left the confines of Benn’s home. 

Benn wrapped his arms around eir waist and held em close.

“Stay,” he said softly, trying not to think about the conflicts outside the door—about the conflicts that had brought them together. “For as long as you can—For long as you want—“

Nix kissed him, and Benn thought maybe e might want just the same. And when e fell asleep beside him, he thought maybe e would.

***

Benn woke with Nix’s arm thrown over his chest and eir nose buried somewhere near his armpit. Benn suspected that only a fae such as em could pull this off as gracefully as e did. 

E looked peaceful. He wondered if there was any possibility to keep em that way. He doubted it, reality rushing back to him, bleak and crushing as the morning light leaking through the windows. There was a world outside, and he wasn’t sure it wanted their happiness. 

Nix stirred, tightening eir embrace before humming softly and opening eir eyes. E smiled when e saw Benn was awake and propped emself up slightly, eyes alight.

“Good morning,” e said.

Benn reached up to trace his fingers on eir cheek. 

“Morning,” he said, and found he was smiling too. “I like waking up with you here.” It had only been a few days but he wanted to spend the rest of them waking up with Nix there beside him. Nix kissed him.

“Me too,” e said against his lip, pressing themselves close. “Very much so.”

Benn slid his hands into eir hair to pull em closer only to stop and laugh. 

“Your hair’s a disaster.”

“I think we know whose fault that is,” e said with a grin. Benn grinned back.

“You have very nice hair.” He ran his fingers through a wayward strand. “It’s kind of hard not to.” 

“I rather feel the same about you,” e said, lips once more against his skin, hand sliding down to his hip. “When I saw you that first time in the woods, I thought, _I get what she sees in it now_. I never had an affinity for white, but _you_ —I wanted my hands on you then.“

Benn gave a stuttered laugh, breath caught in his throat. 

“You know I was never lost, right? When I came back—I was never lost.”

He felt Nix smile into his skin where e were kissing him before e sat up to look at him. 

“I know. It was foolish of you, and dangerous besides, but I was happy to see you again.” E stared at him, eyes full of something that wasn’t just fondness and e took his hand and kiss his palm. “I’m glad I got to see you again.”

Benn pulled em in and e kissed him and kissed him and Benn really did want em to stay forever.

***

E didn’t stay forever. E only stayed two more days. 

The first day the two of them barely left Benn’s bed, though eventually it was proclaimed Nix needed tea, and Benn discovered he had a sudden, intense desire for food, so they stumbled out of each other’s embrace long enough feed themselves.

The second Benn went into town in the hopes of fresh bread for dinner and found something else he had not intended. He stood in front the stall in the market, chewing his lip in indecision for far longer than was reasonable. He bought it anyway. It cost him a precious gold coin and one of the rabbit pelts he had taken with him to trade. 

He made his way back to his cottage almost stumbling from anxiety. He was a fool, he thought, for being so sentimental. A goddamn fool in—

He swore and nearly dropped the food in his arms.

Nix greeted him with a smile when he came through the door, but eir face fell.

“Benn?”

Benn huffed, not surprised that e could see his unease. He put his purchases down on the table and let Nix envelop him in eir arms. He pressed his face into the crook of eir neck, liking the way e smelled—like earth and the woods. Then he pulled away. 

“I got you something,” he said, avoiding eir eyes. He shoved his hand in his pocket and drew out the small cloth bag. He placed it in Nix’s hand, aware his own was shaking. Nix caught his wrist, fingers gentle on his skin. Benn finally met eir eyes. 

“I—“ He didn’t know what to say. “Open it.”

Nix watched him a moment longer, then let go of his hand and opened the small bag, pouring its contents into eir hand. E stared at it.

“I made sure it wasn’t iron. Pure silver,” Benn found himself saying. He let out a long breath. “I don’t really know what I was thinking, and you don’t have to keep it, I just—“

E touched eir thumb to his jaw. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“So you don’t forget, okay? When you go, I just hope you won’t forget about me.”

“Benn,” e said quietly, hand at his cheek.

“Because you are leaving, aren’t you?” 

Eir face fell in confirmation and e sat heavily at the table, the chain and charm clasped tightly in eir hand. When e looked up at Benn, he had never seen em more sad. 

“I have to face her,” e said. “I have to try to make things right. You’ve given me the courage to try—you’ve given me something to fight for.”

“And if you die in the process?” Benn asked. Nix pulled him into eir lap, pressed their foreheads together. Benn fisted his hands in eir shirt. “If I never see you again?”

“I—,“ e started, but swallowed hard as e fought for something to say. 

As if there was anything to say to make this okay. 

Benn sighed, though it came out almost a sob.

“You have to do what you have to do,” he said. “Just come back to me? If you can—Come back to me.”

Nix held him close. “I promise,” e said and kissed him. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

Forgoing their previous plans of food and drink, Benn pulled Nix back to bed but not before e clasped the chain around eir neck. The silver glinted in the fading light where delicately crafted antlers rested above eir heart.

In the morning e kissed him and held him close but e didn’t linger.

“I’ll see you again,” e said. “As soon as I can.” 

Then e was gone. Benn heard the rustle of feathers for hours after.

***

Nix had been gone three days and all Benn had caught was two rabbits, a pheasant, and insatiable loneliness. He wanted em back, sitting at his table and laying in his bed. He wanted em to share a meal and conversation with him. He wanted to feel eir touch on his skin.

He didn’t know if he was going to see em again. He wasn’t sure it was even worth hoping for if the danger Nix had implied was real, but he did anyway. There wasn’t much else he could do. 

He was skinning one of the rabbits behind his house and feeling sorry for himself when something made him look up from his work.

Benn staggered back, dropping the half skinned rabbit in surprise. In front of him, with no prior warning, was a fae. She held a knife as white as bone, much like her hair and skin, and advanced on him like lightning. Benn fumbled to get away but she snatched his hand and held it fast as she sliced it deep across the palm. She tipped the blade up, watching the blood run toward the hilt, eyes wide. Then she let go of him and was gone. 

Benn tried to catch his breath, pain tingling up his arm from the wound. It was bleeding profusely and he looked for something to staunch it with. 

Another fae appeared, as sudden and as pale as the first. He swore softly and approached Benn with caution.

“I can heal it,” he said. “If you’ll let me.”

Benn just stared at him. The fae gestured and Benn slowly offered his hand, blood still spilling on the ground from it. His touch was hesitant but soft, and Benn recognized the warm feel of magic from when Nix had healed his leg. 

“We had to be sure it’d be enough,” the fae was saying. “But everything will be alright now.”

He stepped back, letting go of Benn’s hand. The wound was gone. There wasn’t even a scar. 

“Thank you,” the fae said. And then he was gone too, leaving Benn to his bewilderment. 

***

Nix felt eir power rush back to em and immediately thought, _Benn, no—_

It was drowned out by a voice pushing its way into eir head. 

_He’s fine, he’s fine, I swear it, please, end this—_

It was Nisa, of the few friends e still had in faerie, and when e turn to find her in the crowd she was staring at em wide-eyed. There was a knife in her hand. Nix could see the blood dripping off of it. Benn was nowhere in sight.

_Please—_

Nix turned back to Sparrow, her dark red hair woven into the crown around her head. She was dressed all in white, the whole court was, and it made her hair stand out even more, like blood on snow. She was still beautiful, Nix thought. She was still cruel. 

“Are we boring you?” she asked, her smile cold. “This is your execution, you might want to savor these last moments.”

He’s fine. 

Nisa’s voice echoed in eir head once more as Nix surged forward, breaking the bonds that held em. Eir hands wrapped around Sparrow’s throat and e saw the surprise in her eyes as the throne she sat on toppled back from the momentum. They crashed to the stone beneath, Sparrow’s hands scrambling at eir vice like grip. 

“How?” she managed, looking for once scared and small. _“Why?”_

“For all the damage you’ve done,” e said. “For everything you have taken away.” 

Her eyes went wide, just for a second, and then Nix snapped her neck. It was over.

But e got up and turned to the shocked crowd of fae assembled, some possibly friendly, some definitely not, and thought, _No, maybe this is just the beginning._

***

It had been two months since Benn had seen the two fae who had appeared so suddenly that day. It had been two months since he had seen any fae, actually. They seemed to have abandoned the forest. No one had gone missing and the game had come back, just in time for winter to settle in. It would still be a rough season, but the village would not starve. 

Benn should have been happy, but he felt an ache, a hollowing in his chest. 

Everyday he went into the forest with the hopes of seeing em again. Everyday he came back disappointed. He was beginning to have serious doubts that Nix was still alive, but he still trudged through the snow into the trees and followed the paths into the heart of the wood. 

There was no one there, still. Benn stood and surveyed the quiet, frozen emptiness of it. Maybe he should just give up, he thought, but he wondered if his heart could ever move on. 

He sank down on a nearby rock, head in hands. He had never felt so hopeless.

“Hello Bennjamin,” said a voice—a voice he knew.

Benn looked up. Nix was standing nearby, hand on the tree beside em. E smiled but looked hesitant. 

Benn stared. Then he said, “Am I dreaming?”

Nix huffed and came closer. “I hope not.” E reached out and touched his cheek, stroking eir thumb just under his eye. “I’m sorry I took so long, love.”

Benn let out a staggered breath, an almost sob, but leaned into eir touch. 

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back,” he admitted. “That maybe you’d—“

Nix dropped to eir knees in front of him, taking his hands. “I’m here Benn. I’m alive. I came as soon as I could.” 

“What happened?” Benn asked.

“The only way to break my curse and return to my true power was to spill the blood of a human I loved on faerie soil. I always assumed something more drastic and thus was never willing to risk even thinking about it, but Nisa took it as literal as possible—she cut your hand and then let a drop of your blood fall on our land. It was enough. Fae magic can be tricky like that. So she broke the curse without putting you in any danger and I got my strength back just in time. 

“I killed her, the High Lord,” and Benn could see the words hurt em to say. “She’s gone, but she had her followers, which is why I couldn’t come any sooner. We were in the midst of another civil war and I couldn’t risk them finding you and taking revenge.”

“Is it over now?” Benn asked. _Will you come back to me?_

“Yes and no,” Nix said with a sad smile. “The war is over and her followers notably weakened but she still has some sway. And there are a lot of things to take care of as High Lord once more. It’s been all rather chaotic to be honest. I hadn’t really thought I’d be back in charge once she was gone and I’d grown used to my lack of responsibilities.”

“I see,” Benn said, and moved away a little.

But Nix put eir hands to his face. “The situation has gotten a little complicated and you need to know that, but I’m still here, if you’ll have me.”

E tugged something out from under eir shirt. The antlers glinted in the filtered light as they fell to hang by eir heart. 

“I thought about you every day I was gone.” 

Benn’s eyes searched eirs. Then he pulled em in and kissed em.

Nix made a sad, wanting noise against his lips, pressing as close as e could.

“I missed you too,” Benn said. “I missed you so much.”

Nix just kissed him more urgently.

“How much time, until you have to go back?” Benn hoped he wouldn’t have to ask that question too often, but maybe that was going to be their future now. 

“Tomorrow evening,” Nix said. 

Benn kissed em again. “Come back home with me until then?”

They were half way back to Benn’s cottage, fingers interlaced, when Nix said softly, “Maybe one day you can come visit me at my home. If you want,” e added when Benn stopped walking and stared at em. 

_The faerie realm._ Did Benn dare cross the threshold into such a place? 

“Nothing will dare hurt you there,” Nix said, lightly placing eir hand to his face. “But I understand if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe one day,” Benn said. Maybe there would come a day where he’d be brave enough to witness the magic such a place would hold. He tugged on Nix’s fingers, still entwined in his, and smiled. For now, he had as much magic in his life as he needed. 

***

Benn sees a white deer every autumn now, and fawns in the spring. He doesn’t hunt them, just watches quietly and tries not to startle them as he moves through the forest. None of the other hunters go after them either, valuable as their hides may be. They are a sign of the resurgence of life in the village, now no longer plagued by the faeries who live in the heart of the woods, and they all understand to leave the white deer alone. 

Benn knows, too, as he moves easily through the tress, that they are a sign of Nix’s affection for him—that Nix is endearingly sentimental about how they first met.

Nix is waiting for him. E smiles and kisses him on the cheek before taking his hand.

“Ready?” e asks. 

Benn nods and e smiles a little more.

Then e places eir hand on the space between two trees. A doorway appears of intricately carved stone. 

“Welcome to faerie,” Nix says. And e leads him through and into a world of magic so unlike his own. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nellerific) and [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/akingofinfinitespace) if you're there!


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